Identifying the Roots of Your Self-Doubt
Before addressing parental failure, it can be helpful to explore the roots of your self-doubt, including the pervasive feeling of mom guilt. Lack of confidence can come from societal pressure, social media, comparing yourself to other parents, past experiences, and so much more.
When you understand where your feelings of inadequacy are coming from, you can take steps to overcome them.
Understanding societal pressures and expectations
Society often places unhealthy, even unachievable, standards on what it means to be a “good” parent. The expectations can be overwhelming, leaving you feeling like you are falling short and are a bad parent. From parenting styles to health decisions to education choices, societal pressures can significantly and negatively impact how you view yourself as a parent.
The impact of social media on parenting perception
We often hear about the harmful effects of social media on teens, but rarely do we talk about what it’s doing to parents. Social media can be a source of support and information, but it also creates an unrealistic portrayal of parenthood and can be detrimental to mental health, leading to negative feelings.
Those curated, perfect snapshots of family life leave many parents questioning their parenting skills, environment, and abilities. Research on social media shows it creates self-doubt and an increase in stress, distraction, and depression in parents.
Comparing yourself to other parents
You don’t need social media to compare yourself to other parents—it’s easy enough to do on your own. Comparison is a natural human tendency, and it can even be healthy in some ways. That said, it can also become detrimental to your sense of self and cause you to think that you’re a parenting failure.
Developing a habit of observing other parents who seemingly have it all together can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy. Remember that everyone’s parenting journey is unique, and things are not always as they seem. What you see at the park is not always what’s going on behind closed doors.
Personal past experiences influencing your parenting
Past experiences and upbringing can impact your parenting style and self-esteem. Negative experiences, unresolved issues, or trauma from your childhood can contribute to how you feel about yourself as a parent and add to self-doubt about the job you’re doing.
In studies, past trauma that leads to shame and self-doubt can make some parents anxious and insecure about the choices they make for their children.
“Views on parenting are changing with the times. In the past, parents would make decisions because of past experiences or the ways they were parented themselves. It’s important to note that the ways we were parented were not always correct, and making changes that are better for your family is acceptable. Just because it was done to us does not mean that the practice must continue.”
– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW
