I Thought I Knew How to Listen—Then I Learned Radical Listening

How many aspects of leadership are made worse by listening? Not many. Radical listening is the heart of leadership.

I’ve been learning to listen all my life. If you think listening is easy, you aren’t doing it.

Radical listening begins when you become clear about your intention as a listener. Image of a giraffe looking at the screen.
  1. Great questions. You can’t ask powerful questions until you listen deeply.
  2. Improved trust. People who feel heard are more likely to feel confident about you.
  3. Increased influence. Feeling listened to opens the heart.
  4. Clearer insight. Listening bursts the bubble of perceived knowledge.
  5. Confident openness. Team members don’t speak up until they know you listen.
  6. Strengthened relationships. Attentive presence invites connection.
  7. Effective decision-making. Better input = better choices.

“When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. Ideas actually begin to grow within us and come to life.” Brenda Ueland

“When we ask great listeners how they listen, the most common responses focus on what they are listening for. ‘Listening for’ is the idea that you can keep an ear out for something specific.” Radical Listening

How to “Listen For”

#1. Choose your listening focus.

  • Listen to feelings. Notice tone, pace, and body language.
  • Listen for motivation. What excites or concerns them?
  • Listen to what’s not said. Pay attention to silence, hesitation, or avoidance.

#2. Mentally name it.

While listening, pause occasionally and mentally name what you’re hearing. You might notice:

  • Uncertainty.
  • Confidence.
  • Gaps between actions and words.

#3. Use reflective tools.

Ask questions to confirm or deepen what you’re listening for.

  • “I noticed your tone change. What’s behind that?”
  • “You lit up when you mentioned collaboration—tell me more.”

“The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.” Henry David Thoreau

What’s your biggest challenge when it comes to listening?

What’s helped you become a better listener?

This post is inspired by the new book, Radical Listening by Christian van Nieuwerburgh and Robert Biswas-Diener. I found it enlightening, practical, and challenging.