When I began blogging back in 2012, I looked for others out there blogging, offering wise counsel, compassionate truth-telling, and advice on self-care to nonprofit leaders. It took me no time at all to find Beth Kanter.
Beth and I have emailed and Zoomed regularly for over a decade and I consider myself lucky to say that I have a real relationship with her. Sure, we talk about the state of the nonprofit sector and share our thoughts and what leaders need. But we also talk about our health and our kids. And when I say talk, it’s via email 95% of the time.
A few weeks ago, I spoke at the Stanford Social Innovation Review’s annual Nonprofit Management Institute – a terrific conference and I highly recommend it. Before leaving the East Coast, I scoped out the speakers and there was Beth Kanter. At first, I thought “Oh, that’s so nice. I’ll get to see her.”
Then it hit me. I’d actually never met her in person.
So I reached out and she happily accepted my dinner invitation. We shared a meal at a Vietnamese restaurant and chatted as if it was one of many dinners we had together through the years.
On the plane ride home, I found myself percolating about my relationship with Beth nurtured over email, text, and Zoom for over a decade. As baby boomers, Beth and I have decades of “in the office” experience where relationships were cultivated and nurtured ‘water cooler’ style – in the break room, stopping by an office or cubicle and kibitzing about our kids, our pets, our parents, or our mortgages. We built relationships IRL. (Translation: “In real life”.)
I found myself reflecting on how front and center the written word has become in the development and cultivation of relationships. Emails, Slacks/Teams, texts. I barely even pick up the phone to talk to colleagues or even clients. It becomes about what you can type on your keyboard or your smartphone.
Today, I invite you to contemplate with me as I offer some of the successful strategies to introduce yourself and to continue to nurture a relationship electronically.
I won’t bury the lede. The key is to retrain yourself. Repeat after me: written work correspondence cannot be purely transactional. Follow along and you will get the idea…
SHOW YOUR INTEREST
Want to connect with someone new?
What will cut through the clutter? If we are talking about a donor or board prospect, you are not the only one knocking on their email door. Starting a relationship via email requires you to take a bit of extra time and show me that you did.
Instead of:
“I’ve heard great things about you from X or through Y.”
Try:
“X told me about the piece you wrote for ABC (or your guest gig on XYZ podcast – I read it (listened) and I especially liked X and Y – I thought to myself – I really like how this person thinks and feels like we may be kindred spirits.”
Instead of:
“I’d love to meet and talk about how we might work together (podcast guest, volunteer, board member prospect.”
Try:
“I heard about you through X and I was intrigued. I learned that you have been a long-standing supporter and board member of ABC – I know their E.D. well and I believe that the word “rockstar” may have been used” OR “I did a bit of my own homework and found out that you and I grew up in the same town!”
MAKE THEM LAUGH
I honestly can’t remember if my client was having a bad day or if she was cheering me up because she knew I was having a bad day but there was this video of a dancing dog competition that wound up in my inbox. Made my day.
How about an audio text message? “Remember we were talking about that TV show we both loved and could not remember the theme song?” Send an audio message and sing it!
Beth Kanter and I have aging dogs on meds. There are an array of challenges. Sometimes you just have to laugh about them. I could text a pic of Charlie or even a video of us explaining the newest aging challenge. I bet I would get one back.
SHARE SOMETHING USEFUL
As a nonprofit leader, you are seen as an expert in your area. I love to share articles or TED Talks with staff or clients.
WRITE LIKE YOURSELF
I get that I have a head start here. I’ve been writing like me for well over a decade. I have a voice. It is essential that I use it consistently so that readers learn I am accessible, knowledgeable, and authentic.
If you thought about those three words when you wrote, you’d get the hang of this quickly. It’s somewhere between formal and chatting with a BFF with a glass of wine in the evening after work – either on the old-fashioned phone or more likely.
I promise you there are relational, authentic ways to use them. They require a small dose of intentionality and a big dollop of authenticity.
DIVERSIFY CHANNELS OF COMMUNICATION
Boomers might default to email while a Gen Z staff member may lead with a text filled with shorthand texting. With remote colleagues, Slack or Teams becomes an essential mode of communication.
I’d encourage you to get a bit more intentional by considering the following:
- A short video. (Keep it under 2 mins easy to send via text.)
- An audio message.
- A photo with a caption.
- A text with a link to a really useful article.
- Use your pet to communicate. I don’t use this all the time – I have to know someone quite well but you can’t go wrong with My Talking Pet or Pet Animator. Birthday messages can be really boring ‘box-checking activities’ but not if the greeting comes from your ridiculously cute 14-year-old mutt.
- Oh, here’s a novel idea. PICK UP THE PHONE! Rather than emailing my team to wish them a happy winter break, I called them one by one. After recovering from the original shock/anxiety, I believe they found it way more thoughtful than a blanket email.
- Finally, you could break down, head to your closet, find a pair of jeans that fit, and go see them in person!
WHEN TO TALK ABOUT THE WEATHER
This will not typically move your relationship forward in a deeper way. So consider these guidelines.
- If the individual has been in harm’s way recently because of the weather, to exclude it would be worse than poor form.
- If it’s a Monday and it was a rainout weekend, don’t mention it just for the sake of having something to say. Honestly, who cares?
- If you can incorporate the topic with humor, try something like, “Happy Monday! I’m almost delighted to be back at work. I had company this very rainy weekend and I never realized how long a game of Monopoly can actually go.”
BONUS: MAKE THE MOST OF AN AWAY / OUT OF THE OFFICE MESSAGE
I’m a big fan of making a point with away messages. Often the most powerful point is to model self-care. Even better If you can add humor.
Here are a few examples altered from the real ones I have written and/or received.
EXAMPLE ONE:
Subject Line: A Vacation. A Real One. I Mean It This Time. DATE RANGE HERE
Body:
For those of you who know me well, I don’t often use the word vacation without the use of quotes to either prove just how hard I work or because I have control issues. My family has decided to exert some control over me and is making me step away from my laptop.
[Name] from my team is wildly capable of ensuring you get what you need in my absence and can be reached at…
EXAMPLE TWO:
Subject Line: On Vacation…. Or Maybe It’s Just a Trip
Body:
I’ll be out of the office from X to Y on a family adventure that involves camping. This was not my first choice but I was outvoted by my three kids. I will not have email access and I will try to avoid thinking about rain. A tent and 3 kids and long car rides between campsites will be awesome fun but maybe more like a trip than a vacation.
Hope you are planning your next vacation – time off matters!
[Name] from my team is wildly capable of ensuring you get what you need in my absence and can be reached at…..
Here’s my point:
A transactional email or text with no personality gets lost and makes zero impact (or less).
You can build and nurture authentic, warm, meaningful, three-dimensional relationships using a suite of electronic platforms. Beth Kanter and I are proof. And by the way, your younger employees do it all day every day. Nurturing relationships electronically requires a bit of extra time and intention, a bit of creativity, and just being yourself. The next time someone on your team laments that no one is responding to their emails/texts/slacks, it’s time to get your team together and look at that one concern from a higher altitude. Be sure to engage your Gen Z employees in this conversation. They will have lots to teach here!
