Introduction
The summer heat made itself known even as the AC blew full blast. Amidst the brown, dilapidated apartments, the heat waves emitting off the asphalt appeared like an endless ocean. I exited the car and made my way toward the school tucked among the federal housing apartments. The playground equipment was rusty, trash floated down the streets, and the smell of smoke burned my nose. A secretary greeted me with a toothy smile and asked me to sit while I waited.
Then, she walked in. Her braids bounced off the sides of her head as she looked everywhere in the room except into my eyes. This was my first interaction with my Little (To protect her privacy, I will use a fake name, Shae, to refer to her). Shae is the sweetest, most curious, and energetic person I know. Whenever we meet, she asks me questions, eager to learn about my life, college, hometown, and family.
Yet, getting to this point took work. As we sat together in an empty classroom that first day, she did not speak once. I watched her curious eyes soak me in as she looked me up and down. She studied the intricate embroidery of my purple keychain and spent minutes staring at my hair. I gave her crayons and paper, and while she hesitantly heeded my request to color with her, she did not look into my eyes. I first tried to engage with her by asking questions about her life. Yet, receiving no response each time, I realized I needed to earn her trust first. So, I talked to her about who I am, what I am doing here, and what my life is like.
Adverse Childhood Experiences
I met Shae as part of Big Brothers Big Sisters (BBBS), an organization that seeks to connect kids who have faced adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) with mentors who can provide an extra support system. According to the CDC‘s (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) definition, ACEs refer to potentially traumatic events that occur during childhood, such as abuse, neglect, or household dysfunction (e.g., domestic violence and substance abuse). These experiences can have long-term effects on physical and mental health, increasing the risk of chronic illnesses, mental health disorders, and negative behaviors such as substance abuse, as well as impacting educational and socioeconomic outcomes in adulthood.
Certain demographics are more at risk of experiencing ACEs due to a range of socioeconomic, familial, and community factors. Studies have shown that these experiences disproportionately impact children from specific backgrounds, often due to systemic inequalities, lack of access to resources, and heightened exposure to stressors. Children from low-income households are significantly more likely to experience ACEs. Financial instability often results in chronic stress, food insecurity, limited access to healthcare, and housing instability—all of which can exacerbate family conflict and increase exposure to violence or neglect. In addition to economic status, research consistently shows that children from Black, Hispanic, and Indigenous communities have a higher likelihood of experiencing ACEs. In the United States, 61% of black non-Hispanic children and 51% of Hispanic children have experienced at least one ACE. In comparison, 40% of white non-Hispanic children and 23% of Asian non-Hispanic children have experienced at least one ACE. ACEs are more prevalent among racial minorities because of issues like housing discrimination, limited healthcare access, and higher exposure to community violence. These groups are often more vulnerable due to systemic racism, discrimination, and fewer opportunities for economic and social mobility.
Mentoring programs like BBBS show evidence of academic and social benefits for mentees. These relationships encourage academic engagement, improving grades and attendance while reducing dropout rates. A mentor’s encouragement instills a belief in the child’s ability to succeed academically, directly impacting self-esteem and future aspirations. Additionally, social guidance helps children navigate relationships, develop empathy, and build trust in others—all critical components for lifelong success and resilience. At BBBS, 91% of our Littles reported feeling a strong sense of belonging among peers, and 93% plan to graduate high school and attend college.
My Personal Experience
I completed an initiation process with BBBS, including a background check, references, an interview, and training. Once everything was in order, I was paired up with Shae.
On that first day, I was filled with a mix of nerves and uncertainty. As I sat in my car, I couldn’t help but wonder, did I do a good job? Does she even like me? However, after a reassuring conversation with my match support coordinator at BBBS, I realized that my experience was not unique. I needed to stay strong and committed to my work, and with time, I would earn Shae’s trust.
Week by week, with each visit, coloring activity, game, and snack, Shae started to warm up to me. She slowly took down her barriers, starting by looking into my eyes. Then, she responded to my questions with yes or no answers and later in complete sentences.
The day Shae started asking me questions about my life, I was overwhelmed with joy. My Little took the lead, instructing me to ask her a question, and then she would reciprocate. We engaged in a lively back-and-forth for almost an hour. It was at that moment that I truly felt our bond had formed. Despite the three-month journey to reach this point, the reward was immeasurable.
Over the next year, Shae opened up, and we formed a close friendship. When the new school year began, her third-grade teacher said they were starting a new school-wide program, and I could only visit my Little during restricted time periods. Finding the perfect time to visit her was difficult with my already packed schedule. Somedays, upon arrival at the elementary school, the secretary would inform me that her mother did not bring her in that day. Somedays, when I brought Shae to the multipurpose room, they were holding a conference, and I could not bring her to the playground because another class was using it. At one point, the school completely repurposed the multipurpose room, and I could only visit on the days the school counselor was not using her office. For the next two months, I was not able to meet with Shae due to the problems with the resource-poor school. Therefore, I requested to transfer to BBBS’s community program, where I could bring Shae to my home. Through this program, I can engage in even more exciting activities with her that she normally wouldn’t be able to do at her home or school. She loves to bake, so we’ve made just about everything from cupcakes and cookies to homemade ice cream and caramel apples.
I have been with Shae for almost four years now and have seen dramatic changes in her behavior and demeanor. She is prone to emotional outbursts, especially if she is losing a game. But, while she hasn’t completely lost this behavior, I have noticed differences over time. For example, last week, when we were playing Roblox, she became frustrated because the game started before she could finish getting ready. I started to calm her down, but before I could say a word, she said, “It’s okay because I will still have fun.” This brought tears to my eyes because she used my exact phrasing to self-soothe. I have also noticed an improvement in Shae’s communication and ability to express her needs. She now verbally expresses her emotions to me instead of becoming withdrawn or aggressive.
The Effects of Youth Mentoring
Youth mentoring can play a transformative role in the lives of children who have experienced ACEs. These children often lack consistent, supportive relationships with adults. A mentor provides a stable, caring figure who models positive behavior, emotional regulation, and healthy decision-making. Studies show that mentors offer critical emotional support, which can counterbalance the effects of past trauma by reducing feelings of isolation and promoting a sense of belonging. For instance, a meta-analysis on youth mentoring found that children with mentors exhibit better psychological adjustment and emotional well-being than their non-mentored peers.
According to Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child, “The single most common factor for children who develop resilience is at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive parent, caregiver, or other adult.” Through mentorship, children are exposed to new coping strategies and problem-solving skills vital for resilience. Mentors can guide mentees in identifying their strengths, expressing emotions healthily, and navigating challenges. For children facing stressors, learning to manage emotions and reframe experiences can reduce anxiety, depression, and the likelihood of developing mental health disorders. Coping mechanisms gained through mentoring contribute to a child’s adaptability and perseverance in the face of adversity.
Children with ACEs are more likely to engage in risky behaviors as a coping mechanism. Mentoring relationships offer an alternative by providing a positive outlet and reducing the likelihood of substance abuse, delinquency, and violence. Mentors provide accountability and serve as advocates for healthier choices, which contributes to improved quality of life and fewer risk factors associated with ACEs.
Conclusion
There is a profound sense of satisfaction that comes with watching someone grow and knowing that a part of your best self lives in that person. I continue to meet with Shae weekly, and while some days are challenging and draining, I wouldn’t trade my time with her for anything. The progress she has made fills me with a deep sense of pride and accomplishment. It doesn’t take a lot to make a change: just one hour a week and enough love to share.
