How to Set Boundaries with Adult Children
If your children grew up with few or no boundaries, the process of setting them now may be difficult to navigate on your own.
The following tips can help you as you’re setting boundaries with adult children.
Communicate openly and honestly
Open and honest communication is central to setting boundaries. Talk about what you need and concerns you have about your adult children, and encourage them to share their feelings. Having transparent, open conversations ensures your children understand your needs and helps you both learn how to respect each other.
Establish clear expectations
One of the most crucial parts of setting boundaries is making sure expectations are clear. Make sure you explicitly define and lay out your expectations regarding your adult children’s behavior, responsibilities, and the interactions you have. Whether you’re setting boundaries about financial contributions, chores, or respect for personal space, defining expectations will prevent misunderstandings in the long run.
Respect each other’s space and privacy
Respecting each other’s space and privacy is so important. It helps foster a sense of independence and can reduce conflicts by laying out the boundaries regarding personal belongings, time alone, and when, where, and how you contact one another.
Seek professional help if needed
If setting boundaries has become too overwhelming or challenging, consider seeking professional help. Therapy can offer strategies and valuable insights that will be instrumental in setting effective boundaries. Talkspace makes the process convenient and accessible with online therapy so it’s easier for everyone in the family to get the support they need.
Practice consistency and follow-through
The hardest part of setting boundaries is being consistent and following through. Consistency is key, though. Once you’ve sent guidelines, following through on the consequences is essential if your boundaries are crossed. It will establish trust and respect and ensure that your boundaries are taken seriously.
Be prepared for resistance
It’s common for people to be resistant to change, so don’t be surprised if your adult children are resistant to the boundaries you’re trying to implement in the beginning. Change can be hard, and although they may initially push back, staying firm and patient will encourage your children to respect your boundaries.
“When we feel that our clearly stated boundaries are not being respected, we may have to be the enforcer. The enforcer would need to learn that a firm “no” can be appropriate to stand up for the way you need to be treated and respected. If this seems really difficult and brings up issues of “people pleasing,” you may need to start addressing that issue first.”
– Talkspace therapist Dr. Karmen Smith LCSW DD
