7 Tips for Coping with Regret After Having Kids
Feeling regret after having children is an isolating and challenging experience. However, there are practical steps you can take to navigate your emotions so you can find balance and fulfillment in your role. The following 7 tips will help you cope with parental regret so you can embrace your journey.
Talk to a therapist
Seeking professional help from a qualified, experienced therapist can be incredibly beneficial in helping you manage any regret you might have. A therapist provides a nonjudgmental, safe place to explore what you’re feeling so you can identify the underlying causes. They can also help you develop strategies to cope with regretting motherhood or fatherhood. Therapy can also be instrumental in helping you address other mental health conditions you’re going through—like depression or anxiety—that might be contributing to your feelings.
Build a support network
Having a solid support network is essential if you’re finding parenthood difficult. Reach out to trusted family members, friends, or even local community groups to find a supportive network you can rely on. Having others to talk to, share experiences with, and rely on can make a difference.
Practice self-care and carve out time for yourself
Self-care often goes by the wayside when you’re trying to take on the all-consuming role of parenthood. However, taking care of your own needs is vital if you hope to be able to take care of anyone else. Make it a priority to do activities you enjoy that help you relax. You might read a book, practice mindfulness, go for a walk, or take a nap. Whatever you do, self-care for parents enables you to feel balanced and handle parenting better.
Communicate your feelings with your partner
Be open with your partner and share that you might regret having kids. It can strengthen your relationship and give you an ally during your darkest hour. By sharing what you’re feeling and the concerns you have, you can actually improve your relationship. Not to mention, your partner might be experiencing feelings like you, and discussing them can offer solidarity and support.
Focus on the positives of having children
Feeling overwhelmed is natural for new parents, but focusing on positive aspects can help you shift your perspective. Reflect on the joyful moments and milestones of parenting as much as possible and focus on your special bond with your child.
“The skill of reframing negative thoughts to more positive ones can be learned by talking to a therapist or participating in a support group. Seeking professional mental health services can be the key to reducing isolation and coping with regret that new moms often experience.”
– Talkspace therapist Dr. Olga Molina, D.S.W., LCSW
Set realistic expectations
Regret sometimes stems from feeling like you’re failing as a parent. Setting realistic expectations for yourself means acknowledging that perfection is unattainable. You’ll have good and bad days as a parent; this is normal and OK. Parenting is a learning process, and it’s expected to make mistakes, so be gentle with yourself. Try to reduce the pressure you place on yourself to live up to unrealistic standards so you can feel peaceful with your parenting experience.
Join parent support groups
Connecting with other parents who can relate to what you’re going through can be incredibly comforting. Find a support group you can join, either online or in person, to share your feelings and get encouragement from others.
