In my work as a dietitian supporting clients healing from disordered eating, I am frequently asked to define “normal” eating.
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“How many slices of pizza is normal to eat?”
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“Is it normal to eat sweets every day?”
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“Would a normal person finish their meal in ___ minutes?”
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“Is it normal to feel this full?”
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“Do normal people eat more than 1 snack between meals?”
This preoccupation with normal eating is understandable. Disordered eating disconnects from one’s intuitive sense of how to eat. Plus, people who struggle with disordered eating tend to struggle with social comparisons, meaning they are more likely to evaluate themselves based on other people. If you feel insecure about how to feed yourself, and are highly attuned to what other people are doing, of course you would want to know what “normal eating” looks like.
What is “Normal Eating?”
Years ago I wrote this blog post on normal eating, and focused on the definition provided by dietitian Ellyn Satter:
“Normal eating is being able to eat when you are hungry and continue eating until you are satisfied. It is being able to choose food you like and eat it and truly get enough of it-not just stop eating because you think you should. Normal eating is being able to use some moderate constraint in your food selection to get the right food, but not being so restrictive that you miss out on pleasurable foods. Normal eating is giving yourself permission to eat sometimes because you are happy, sad or bored, or just because it feels good. Normal eating is three meals a day, most of the time, but it can also be choosing to munch along. It is leaving some cookies on the plate because you know you can have some again tomorrow, or it is eating more now because they taste so wonderful when they are fresh. Normal eating is overeating at times: feeling stuffed and uncomfortable. It is also undereating at times and wishing you had more. Normal eating is trusting your body to make up for your mistakes in eating. Normal eating takes up some of your time and attention, but keeps its place as only one important area of your life.
In short, normal eating is flexible. It varies in response to your emotions, your schedule, your hunger, and your proximity to food.” ~ Ellyn Satter
I still really love this description, and it is something I personally connect with when I think about what kind of eater I want to be. I also think it’s a description that many, if not most of the clients I work with connect with as well. The way “normal eating” is described by Satter feels flexible, balanced, and sustainable – a way of eating that honors both physical health and mental wellbeing.
That said, in the years since writing this original blog post, I’ve come to question the idea and pursuit of “normal eating,” and it’s value in healing. Being asked time and time again about what’s “normal” by clients in various states of healing has opened my eyes to some of the ways defining normal eating can actually cause harm.
Let’s discuss some of the problems I see with labeling eating as normal…
Problems with the Concept of “Normal Eating”
What’s “normal” (i.e. common) may actually be disordered.
Because diet and wellness culture are so pervasive in our culture, what’s viewed as normal is often disordered and restrictive. Rates of eating disorders are shockingly high, and the number of people who engage in disordered eating behaviors without having an official diagnosis is even higher, especially among higher risk populations like college athletes, trans and nonbinary folks, and people with food related medical conditions. Even outside of people who struggle with disordered eating, think about how many people in your life casually do things like restrict to make up (or make room) for eating something “bad”, experiment with fad diets, or track their food intake or weight. These behaviors are quite common, and yet (I hope!) most people can at least rationally recognize they aren’t signs of a healthy relationship with food. Just because an eating behavior is common, or seems “normal,” doesn’t mean it’s a smart idea for you!
If there is “normal” eating, then there is “abnormal” eating.
By definition, if a way of eating is considered “normal”, then what’s outside of that must be “abnormal.” In reality, different patterns of eating can work for different people. Labeling eating as “normal” or “abnormal” based on how it looks from the outside misses what’s going on behind the eating behaviors. It also feeds into a binary way of thinking about food and eating that fuels disordered eating.
For example, eating the same thing every single day for lunch certainly could be a symptom of disordered eating. At the same time, there are tons of kids who eat essentially the same lunch every single day for school. I know I survived elementary school on some combination of a peanut butter or turkey sandwich with chips, gushers or dunkaroos, and fruit. That had nothing to do with disordered eating and everything to do with being an early 90s child who wanted to fit in with what everyone else was eating, and a having a single, working mom! I also think of my grandpa, who ate a tomato sandwich on a bagel almost every single day for lunch. He did not suffer from disordered eating. He was just a 90 year old Jewish guy from New Jersey who liked what he liked.
Even if the intention behind an eating behavior is restriction or weight control, it still feels a bit ick to label it as “abnormal.” To me, dieting and restriction aren’t “abnormal” so much as they are attempts to navigate a world that’s really messed up about bodies.
Focusing on eating “normally” distracts from what is working for you, in this moment, at this point in your healing process.
To me, the point of doing this work isn’t to become a certified “normal” eater, whatever that might be. The point is to figure out a way of feeding yourself that works for you, physically and mentally. Yes, a big part of that is letting go of restrictive behaviors, but when the focus is performing normalcy, it can be a distraction from what works for you, in this moment, at this point in your healing.
I decided to rewrite this blog post after a conversation with a client about eating lunch with her colleagues, and how she wanted to feel more comfortable eating hot food and sandwiches for lunch. Currently, she is pairing together various snack foods like bars, yogurts, snack mixes, fruit, etc. This is definitely wrapped up in her eating disorder, as it allows for her to have a better sense of how many calories she is eating, but also helps her feed herself at a challenging time of day, reduces anxiety packing lunch, and helps her navigate some of her ARFID-like symptoms. At first glance, wanting to eat the “normal” lunch foods her colleagues were packing might seem like a healing move. But in discussion, we realized that this was actually something that was working quite well for her, even if it felt like she wasn’t eating “normally” compared to her colleagues lunch of leftovers and sandwiches. The pressure to eat “normally” was making her feel bad for feeding herself in a way that was working for her. While expanding lunch options is probably something we’ll eventually work on together, we also might not! Is labeling something that helps her navigate her eating disorder an abnormal eating behavior helpful? I think not!
I believe the pursuit of normal eating is a distraction from discovering what actually works for us. As ideal as Ellyn Satter’s definition might seem, for some people, it’s simply not accessible. Whether it’s someone with ADHD who needs to rely on a regular eating schedule in order to feed themselves, someone with severe and enduring anorexia who needs to calorie count but with more appropriate goals to maintain stability, or someone with a significant food related medical condition that has to put a lot more time and thought into nutrition to manage their symptoms, these “abnormal” eating behaviors might be essential for getting themselves fed and living a better quality of life. Even if “normal eating” isn’t accessible for you, I believe you can find a way of feeding yourself that feels good for you.
What Kind of Eater do you Want to Be?
What kind of eater do you want to be? What factors are most important to you in how you feed yourself? You get to decide how you want to take care of yourself with food, and only you can know what way of eating works for you. What may feel good for one person may feel restrictive for another, and visa versa. Instead of relying on external views of what “normal” eating should look like, can you take a step back and think about what you currently need from your relationship with food?
At Rachael Hartley Nutrition, our goal is to help you figure out a way of feeding yourself that feels good for you – to empower you with skills and support to become the kind of eater you want to be, and develop a relationship that feels peaceful for you. We pride ourselves on supporting our clients with individualized care rather than a manualized, one-size-fits-all process. If you’re interested in learning more about nutrition counseling, read our practice philosophy and nutrition services page, and just reach out if you’d like to see if you’re a good fit for nutrition counseling with us!
This article on normal eating was originally posted March 2015. Text and images have been updated to give you the best possible content.
